Thursday, 19 January 2012

people dont know when i cry.. when they find out i cried then they asked why.. i can make 1001 fake reasons why i cried.. then they believe and they leave me behind thinking that they have listen to my problems... i hate crying in front of them which makes me look so not strong and cry for small things.. why dont u put urself in my shoe and tell me how does that feels like? you dont understand how hurt i am. i really thought life after spm is gonna be FUN.. and im wrong a rather go back to school. i rather wake up @ 5.30 and come home at 1.10.. and i rather stay much longer in bio extra class.. when i say life is awful they say ive never appreciate life.. when i cry and nobody knows about it... the feeling how hurt i am which GOD only knows about it.. everyone will say take it easy and patience... yeahh easy to say try to feel it then you know how hard life would be.. i need a shoulder to cry on. a box of tissue.. and i need a pair of ears and a person who really can advice what should i do next... i cant stand more longer.. did anyone know how much fake smiles did i try to make when im sad.. ive been a lot of ups and down.. but i keep it in myself not giving anyone else to hear it. i think im strong enough to cope with it. but deep inside my heart im shouting for a better life. im shouting in pain. but no one really cares.. i cant force them to care.. sometimes i just think i should never come to this world but its too late.. because im not strong enough. and nobody really cares about me.. so when i die no body will ever remember me.. how sad my life really is.. the loudest i can cry is when i put my face onto the pillow and shout out loud.. when no one is at home.. after my prayer.. only one person knows how much im hurt.. how much my life had been disrupted.. ALLAH MY GOD.. he knows everything.. i'll try my best to be the best! sometimes i cant hold it much longer. so i cried. im not a good person. i abuse kids. im just a bad person waiting for my punishment. i dont know where should i cry to.. im so desperate to cry. sometimes i even hate myself. really hate myself. sometimes i just want to meet my prophet and say : Ya Rasulullah im not a good ummah. You know how i feel. Plz show me the way. im not strong as you. but im trying to act like one.. im a bad girl.. but i still adore you.. i love you so much please help me. i dont wanna go to hell. since i was small ive been suffering with a lot of things. and i always make things worse. where can i go? can i stay with you? ' Ya Allah please3 show me the way. im not strong to face all this things. i really need You. i give you my soul fully please guide me. AMIN! guys i really hope you pray the best for me to go through my life..

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