22 MARCH 2012

SPM results set to be released on March 22.. when my mum showed me this report in newspaper my heart goes LUB-DUB-LUB-DUB im getting nervous yet before this i was waiting any media to announce about it. i cant go back to 30 December 2011.. BUT WHAT I COULD DO IS PRAY AND TAWAKKAL (:

we shouldnt turn back to Allah when we are desperate but we need to remember Allah everyday ..

YA ALLAH, if i got good results all the praises goes to you Yaa Rabb but if i didnt get i did wrong , maybe i didnt work hard enough. When the time comes Ya Rabb whatever my result is PLEASE SAVE ME FROM ANY RIAK FEELINGS OR LOSE HOPE... AMIN


TAWAKKAL TU ALALLAH


START DOA FOR THE BEST (: INSYAALLAH


MY DEAREST BROTHERS AND SISTERS PLEASE PRAY FOR THE BEST FOR ME AND ALL OTHER FORM 5 2011 SO WE COULD PASS THE EXAM WITH FLYING COLOUR INSYAALLAH..

my dearest friends and family, i need your help... please pray for me everything goes well as planned (: Insyaallah 27 FEB my dream will come true. but i need your help to please pray together with me... They are trying to monopoly us the muslims (: so pray hard for our brothers and sisters there (: and pray for me that i could go there and come back safely Insyaallah (: The dunia is a Hell for the Muslims and Akhirat is heaven for the muslims (: so pray hard my brother and sister.

be patience is the only way (: Insyaallah

 

i want to be a better person (:

pray for me (; i want to be a good servant. i want to be a good ummah. i want to show my appreciation to Allah and Rasulullah PBUH. Insyaallah im going to do my best in life.

insyaallah i will go through this difficulties by  remember your advice worry ends as faith begins Insyaallah (: 

subhanallah! im still finding my personality in my life. please show me the way... AMEEN

Pray! Insyaallah

RASULULLAH S.A.W.

Tak terjangkau tinggi pekertimu
Tidak tergambar indahnya akhlakmu
Tidak terbalas segala jasamu
Sesungguhnya engkau rasul mulia
Tabahnya hatimu menempuh dugaan
Mengajar erti kesabaran
Menjulang panji kemenangan
Terukir namamu di dalam Al-Quran

tak lama lagi Maulidur Rasul (: kalau tahun2 sudah aku habiskan masa berselawat dkt sekolah tapi tahun ni tak tau nak sambut dkt mana :( harap2 tahun ni membawa lebih pengertian dalam mengingati Rasulullah s.a.w. saya rindu Rasulullah sangat2! nak jumpa tapi takut sbb diri yg kotor dengan dosa hati yang gelap kerana nafsu. Moga2 Allah membantu menunjukkan aku jalan yang benar, Insyaallah. tadi tgk tv tiba2 ustaz ni cerita sebuah kisah....

" satu hari Rasulullah balik awal, Siti Aisyah pun memberitahu hasratnya kepada Rasulullah s.a.w. dia inginkan Rasulullah s.a.w. berdoa untuknya. Lalu Rasulullah menadahkan tgn dan berdoa ' Ya Allah engkau ampunilah segala dosa yg lepas dan yang akan dtg' lalu siti Aisyah tergelak. Rasulullah oun bertanya mengapa dia gelak, lalu Siti Aisyah memberitahu sesungguhnya doaMu itu pasti dimakbulkan Allah. dan senang untuk Aku pergi ke syurga... lalu Rasulullah s.a.w. berkata setiap kali selepas solat aku membaca doa tersebut untuk umat-umatku..."

Masyaallah! sedangkan Nabi ingatkan umat tapi jarang2 umatnya mengenang jasa baiknya.. apa kata kita pun berdoa dan berselawat ke atas nabi setiap kali selepas solat? *pesanan buat diriku yang hina ini dan teman2 yang lain (:

AMIIIWAAH AKHHYARR :B

hahahah thanks for ur message yesterday.. it has been a few weeks since the last time i received sms from my friends.. thanks for remembering me hahahhah XD AAAAAWWW, i misss uu tooo :B hahahah nanti kita keluar OK dgn nalina skali taau! HIHIHI :D perlu ke i ajak ur jay jay??? hahahahhah.. dia mesti bz.. HIHI :D tapi i tak sure bila lahh blh kluar tapi kt plan slowly and steadily OK! hahahahXD teruskan kumpul duit ye blh blanja i makan :B movie + bowling skali tauu (:

january 2012 (:
i dont know how many times i cried.. how much i hurt.. how much i felt despair n everything goes wrong..
Last night i had a dream. a really wonderful dream. i think that would be the best dream ever. Alhamdulillah, Thank You Allah for that dream. that dream last night make me stronger as it make me feels Allah still loves me. Allah wants me to repent and turn to the right path. Allah shows that He was testing my faith. either i'll choose nafsu or iman. Today a spirit came into me. the spirit said never lose hope. keep on with ur patience.. cry to Allah. Ask for Allah forgiveness. Lead ur life in the proper way. the islamic way. i am patiently waiting for my rainbow to come. Today i said to myself smile when u feel like crying. u have been crying almost everyday so now stop crying. Remember Allah who always be by ur side when needed. Its still not too late to turn back.im trying to be a better person. pray for me (: 27 February 2012 i'll patiently wait for you.. Insyaallah everything will go just fine.. i thought of letting one of my friend know what is going on with that date.. im choosing only ONE at least if anything happen to me there is someone know about it (: owhh SPM result i might not make it :( but the 27 Feb mission is so much more important so im just gonna pray hard so that i'll get good results (: AMEEN :)

kadang-kadang Allah bagi hujan turun,
kita tanya mana matahari,
rupa-rupanya Allah nak bagi kita pelangi (:

people dont know when i cry.. when they find out i cried then they asked why.. i can make 1001 fake reasons why i cried.. then they believe and they leave me behind thinking that they have listen to my problems... i hate crying in front of them which makes me look so not strong and cry for small things.. why dont u put urself in my shoe and tell me how does that feels like? you dont understand how hurt i am. i really thought life after spm is gonna be FUN.. and im wrong a rather go back to school. i rather wake up @ 5.30 and come home at 1.10.. and i rather stay much longer in bio extra class.. when i say life is awful they say ive never appreciate life.. when i cry and nobody knows about it... the feeling how hurt i am which GOD only knows about it.. everyone will say take it easy and patience... yeahh easy to say try to feel it then you know how hard life would be.. i need a shoulder to cry on. a box of tissue.. and i need a pair of ears and a person who really can advice what should i do next... i cant stand more longer.. did anyone know how much fake smiles did i try to make when im sad.. ive been a lot of ups and down.. but i keep it in myself not giving anyone else to hear it. i think im strong enough to cope with it. but deep inside my heart im shouting for a better life. im shouting in pain. but no one really cares.. i cant force them to care.. sometimes i just think i should never come to this world but its too late.. because im not strong enough. and nobody really cares about me.. so when i die no body will ever remember me.. how sad my life really is.. the loudest i can cry is when i put my face onto the pillow and shout out loud.. when no one is at home.. after my prayer.. only one person knows how much im hurt.. how much my life had been disrupted.. ALLAH MY GOD.. he knows everything.. i'll try my best to be the best! sometimes i cant hold it much longer. so i cried. im not a good person. i abuse kids. im just a bad person waiting for my punishment. i dont know where should i cry to.. im so desperate to cry. sometimes i even hate myself. really hate myself. sometimes i just want to meet my prophet and say : Ya Rasulullah im not a good ummah. You know how i feel. Plz show me the way. im not strong as you. but im trying to act like one.. im a bad girl.. but i still adore you.. i love you so much please help me. i dont wanna go to hell. since i was small ive been suffering with a lot of things. and i always make things worse. where can i go? can i stay with you? ' Ya Allah please3 show me the way. im not strong to face all this things. i really need You. i give you my soul fully please guide me. AMIN! guys i really hope you pray the best for me to go through my life..

satu hari... 

buka tv9 ----> tanyalah ustaz pagi2 mana ada citer lain s layan je lahhh.. 

skali ada penonton tu tanya : ustaz kalau dah lama kahwin masih tak dpt anak apa petua yg dapat diamalkan?

ustaz : setiap pagi minum segelas susu kambing dan makan 7 biji kurma. SUAMI DAN ISTERI

hmm initializing + processing what he said.. out of sudden i asked my mum

me : MAK!!!! kalau mkn apa yg ustaz ckp tu kt dah tak pyh 'buat' lahhh kann!!! 

mak : habis tu mcm mana nak dpt anak! dapat anak kurma @ kambing jee lahhh

laugh continuosly after that! hahaah

*if pn lee finds out about this i'll be dead :S hahahha a bio student just said that

thennn:

i was helping my mum cook.. masak sotong kuning :D

me : MAK!! mcm mana nak tau sotong ni dah masak ke belum???

mak : dah masak maksudnya tu dah masak lahh

hahhahhaha cant stop laughing

when i was hanging up the clothes

mak : kau ni sidai baju tak de seni lahhh

in my heart that is why im destined to be in the science class :P hahhahahah

27 FEB 2012

cepat datang ye! saya akan mempersiapkan diri sebaik mungkin. Dengan izin Allah harap2 semua berjalan lancar! masih banyak yang perlu diperbaiki (: sifat2 mazmumah pun bnyk bersarang lagii dalam diri yang hina ni... banyak persiapan yang belum dilakukan. tapi saya excited! saya betul2 nak pegi (: YA ALLAH MAKBULKANLAH PERMINTAAN HAMBAMU INI AMEEN...
before 24 FEB:
- balik JB
-balik penang
-Shopping apa yg patut
doakan saya semua :D

my 1 day love

hihih went to an event! omg! i love the way he teach! i love the way he makes jokes! then off to the dreamland and still think about him. DAMN i hate that! it just interrupt my life hahah! i started to find his fb ----> owhh yeah found it! ----> oh no! his in relationship! -----> started laughing -----> i knew we can never be together
from the beginning... hmmm i dont feel sad at all :P thats funny! it looks like experience taught me enough of choosing the right man in life. experience told me to never think of love! experience told me to LOVE ALLAH! experience told me to success in my life than think about this lovey dovey thingy! So im still learning how to LOVE ALLAH! im still learning everything! OK! so now you know why i didnt feel anything when everyone got their couple except me :D i want a guy who respect me as a woman. i want a guy who is loving caring and loves kids coz im not in love with kids. i want a guy who really understand me and accept me the way i am not asking me to be anyone else. i want a guy that will pray for me in every prayer, does not tear off when im dead, put me into the liang lahad and tell the earth to accept me as a mukmin, and doesnt give his love to me at the first place but put Allah, Rasulullah, his parents and can i be next? im a jealous person! VERY! and im very SENSTIVE! so can anyone fulfill this characteristics and i accept him in my life. money doesnt make me happy but the people whom i'll be living with will make me either happy or sad. i think thats kinda too much :P PUT ALLAH AND RASULULLAH FIRST! everything in your life would be easier thats all i need (:

senyuman yang terukir di bibir, lirik pandangan mata dan raut wajahku langsung tidak dapat menggambarkan hatiku. hatiku yang semakin rapuh akibat menahan sabar rasanya bakal runtuh tidak lama lagi. tiba2 teringat kepada satu ayat yang berbunyi "Allah tidak akan menguji hambaNya dengan dugaan yang tidak dapat ditanggung oleh hambaNya" Allah itu Maha Penyayang tak mungkin akan bertindak kejam. Jadi apa yang dilakukan oleh hatiku yang rapuh ini hanyalah berdoa ' Ya Allah, ampunilah segala dosa hamba. Mungkin ini merupakan balasan atas segala sifat buruk yang hamba lakukan. Ya Allah, engkau telah menutup segala keaiban hambaMu ini tidak dapat hamba membalas segala yang engkau telah lakukan. Ya Allah ampunilah segala dosa kedua-dua ibu bapa hamba dan adik-beradik hamba. Berikanlah kami kekuatan. Hanya kepadaMu hamba memohon. Amin... dugaan yang datang mungkin merupakan jalan Allah ingin menambahkan pahala hambanya atau cara Allah untuk membalas segala dosa hambaNya. Lebih baik diuji di dunia daripada diseksa di akhirat kelak yang sudah tentunya lebih dahsyat. hari ini seorang guru telah menceritakan sebuah kisah kepadaku. seorang nabi*maaf saya kurang pasti nama Nabi tersebut* yang menghidupkan seorang yang telah meninggal dunia. mayat tersebut lalu berkata ' kenapa wahai nabi engkau membangkitkan aku? penatku berdiri selama 70 tahun masih belum habis lagi.' lalu nabi bertanya ' kenapa engkau dihukum untuk berdiri selama 70 tahun?' lalu dia menjawab ' aku dahulunya bekerja sebagai seorang pencari kayu api. apabila kayu api yang telah dikumpulkan lalu salah satu kayu api telah terjatuh. aku pun mula merungut. disebabkan itulah si pencari kayu api itu dihukum oleh Allah untuk berdiri selama 70 TAHUN. kayu api yang terjatuh itu merupakan kehendak Allah dan apabila si pencari kayu api itu merungut maka dia telah merungut tentang Allah. MASYAALLAH! saya rasa kita dah jauh tersasar kan? cepat2 lah bertaubat sebelum ajal datang dan menjemput kita. RENUNG-RENUNGKAN DAN SELAMAT BERAMAL (:

SOLAT

Solat senang saja disebut. perkataan yg senang diungkapkan. pergerakan yg senang untuk dilakukan. tapi saya nak tanya ada ke org sekarang yg dpt menghayati solat itu? solat lima minit je. sehari lima kali umat islam solat. tapi antara kelima-lima waktu berapa waktu kita dapat khusyuk dalam solat? saya belajar solat sejak kecil. dulu masa saya hampir-hampir beralih dari Iqra kepada Al Quran, Ustaz Rosli ckp saya diturunkan pangkat maksudnya kena turun Iqra balik.. siapa lahh yang tak kecewa kannn!!! tapi sekarang saya sedar tajwid saya tak betul. hukum tajwid yg salah blh mempengaruhi maksud ayat. jadi memang patutlah saya diturunkan pangkat :) berbalik kepada soal solat. sejak belakangan ini, saya rasa hidup saya gelap sangat, dan bila saya berdoa tiba-tiba teringat balik. Rupa-rupanya saya ada berjanji, saya berjanji supaya akan mendekatkan diri dgn Allah lepas SPM sbb masa agak lapang.. tapi saya lupa janji saya... orang yang memungkiri janji salah satu ciri2 munafik.. hmmm astaghfirullahalazim! jadi saya nak  kotakan janji saya :D jadi saya pun ikutlah mak saya ke kelas agama... walaupun sikit saya dapat better than nothing kann??Kebetulan ustaz mengajar tafsir.. dia mengajar tafsir doa iftitah… dia ckp selalunya masa solat kita selalu lalai… ingt benda dkt luar solat.. mmg betullah apa ustaz ckp. Walaupun dah bertahun aku mendirikan solat, erti khusyuk masih belum pernah sebati dalam solatku kalau ada pun jarang2 saja. Pernah tak dgr kisah saidina umar. Setiap para sahabat telah berada khusyuk walaupun hanya berada dlm saf dan belum memulakan solat. Saidina umar akan cek saf setiap jemaah dgn pedang, lalu ada seorang musuh Islam telah membunuh saidina umar. Para jemaah tidak sedar pun pembunuhan saidina umar sehinggalah saidina umar berteriak kesakitan! Hmm begitulah khusyuknya para sahabat pada zaman dahulu. Tapi kita zaman sekarang?  Sendiri fikirlah kann… mengejar nikmat solat telah lama menjadi sasaran aku. Setiap daie yang aku tny cara2 nya pasti menjwab kenal pasti lahh maksud ayat yang dibaca dlm solat. Aku tertanya2 mcm mana nak khusyuk aku tak pandai Arab pun.. sehinggalah pada akhir tahun 2009 seorang pakar bahasa arab telah mengajarku maksud surah al fatihah. Masyaallah bila aku baca dlm solat sambil mengetahui maksudnya SUBHANALLAH! Sejuknya hati baca surah tersebut. tapi bila akhirnya surah tu haishhh mulalah melayang-layang fikiran. Betul mmg lahh kita kena faham setiap ayat yg dibaca. *pastikan ada guru yg menterjemahkan setiap maksud dengan betul semasa menterjemah ayat Al Quran. Jadi untuk khusyuk dlm solat kita mestilah faham isi kandungan ayat yang dibaca dlm solat dan untuk memahami ayat Quran mestilah ada usaha. Jadi marilah kita meningkatkan mutu ibadah kita sbb solat itu tiang agama dan solat itu dapat mencegah kemungkaran :D pernah sekali saya melihat siaran langsung solat terawih di Masjidil Haram dlm 10 malam terakhir Ramadhan ramai orang Arab yang menangis semasa ayat Quran dibaca. Alangkah baiknya kalau kita pun dapat menghayati sama2 bacaan Imam tersebut kan!!