CoNfUsEd

with my class 5Jujur, 2011, S.P.

do your classmates do this? ahahahahahh

see? i miss them :(

i knew something is wrong but i dont know what is wrong get me? yeah.. having some problem :( identity crisis :( the old me is fighting the new me.. actually i love the old me.. the ones who actually has the confidence to voice out le opinion and object others.. ok sebenarnya i miss debating.. me in uni have no confident to voice out my opinion.. in lecture hall too.. when i have questions i usually just keep my mouth shut coz i think that my question would be silly and others might laugh at me? yeahh seriously.. because they are too genius that sometime i think that i dont fit to be with them.. fail the same paper twice in one sem? how would you expect me to gain my confidence? whereas in my school i would just raise up my hand and start bashing the teachers with questions that piled up in my head.. yeah..

aite! how does this actually comes to my mind? i mean why so sudden i was thinking about this identity thingy? i like the new me but i love the old me more! so this is how it begin.. went out with le classmates on teachers day :D yeahh! happy to meet them! miss them a lot like crazyhhh! i didnt thought that i miss them that much lol! but yes i seriously miss them when we actually gather at subway for lunch.. that moment when they forced me to sit between heikal and J.R. im like i cant sit between them! they are not my mahram! and its haram! well since we didnt do any mistake i mean we just sit there and eat.. not like we do anything pun.. so i become hurmm ok! and then i realised the new me doesnt really like that situation but the old me is fine to it..

 before that on our way to paradigm i was in arif's car since the other car is FULL CAPACITY yo! so yeah between all of us i decided to go with arif and tado.. and suddenly the new me say hey!! i cant be here! im the only girl! shouldnt do this! but the old me are used to being alone with guys.. obviously! thats normal for the old me to be with guys although im alone becauseeeee im not doing anything wrong! i mean i need to go with them since its full in another car.. and i know them.. they are good guys..

sooo next scene is when Arif called me one evening telling me that he is in front of my house with tado..

taken at nano's open hse few years back... and pic below was taken recently

it was his birthday so yeah obviously i was happy to meet him and tado.. and we went to alya's and mr thiru's  hse basically it was an evening walk.. yes! this is who i am! we cant stop quarrelling over small things.. thats me.. when i have my own opinion and i see that people's opinion doesnt make sense i'll start to defend mine.. and yes that was me too!no matter how much we quarrel i never hate him! coz i know its just him.. no one would ever pick a fight with me like him! no one dares to make me sad but then make me happy to cheer me up! yes! i admit that im a harsh type person? but i know my limits.. and him! he is totally him! he doesnt hide his behaviour.. that is what i like about him! that means i can go on quarrelling with him coz i know neither one of us will win.. hahahah.. 

so on that day.. we were talking about culture shock in uni.. yeah most of us will feel that culture shock once we enter a new environment? new style of adapting to the new lifestyle.. yeah! it took me 1 whole sem to adapt to it.. i was from a place where you can see malays, chinese and indians seat together but then it turn out malays everywhere! the mentality are totally different.. yeah! im a social type.. as in i dont mind being with them! im an open minded.. but when it comes to religion what is wrong is wrong no matter if you are the only one who does it right.. get me? i respect others as well..

and suddenly our topic came out to speaking in english.. wait speaking in english is an issue? yes it is.. when you are in an environment when people speaks in english most of the time to a NEW environment where people hate to speak english just because they say they have broken english.. look! we dont care whether you have broken english coz guess what mine is not perfect either! but! since we used to speak english most of the time so we think that speaking english not a big issue until people call you poyo or show off dude or something.. we are just being us? yes! im not good in english i admit that! but taking some effort to polish my english by speaking english is call a crime is totally rubbish mentality.. and yes! my friend was called a sex maniac just because he sits with a girl seriously? 

does that show who he is or who you are? is that how Islam taught you? NO! what i see is these malays are trying to say that they are more islamic people then ourself.. yes i admit that im still learning more about Islam.. but to say NO to this NO to that sometimes make people feel Islam is a hard religion when Islam is actually an awesome one! yes Islam is so detail! every perspective counts! being too harsh on someone is not a good way to dakwah you see.. at times it is annoying! as long as he doesnt do anything haram its fine.. so now you see how confused i am? :( and the best thing is people doesnt realised how much did i change :D yeay for that! and someone kept saying that i havent change! and second yeay for that! thats cool! i want them to treat me the same not any aliens heheheh..